New York Times opinion writer Grose (Sad Desk Salad) explores the unrealistic expectations that plague contemporary mothers in this stirring account. Grose first offers a history of the "insidious ideals" behind motherhood in the U.S.: In colonial times, women were "thought to be more susceptible to the devil while they were pregnant," and a trend in the 1940s and '50s saw mothers being blamed for their children's mental illnesses. Grose then brings things up to date: visions of an "ideal," beautiful pregnancy often hide mental health problems; women are expected to sacrifice their own well-being for their children's needs; and workplaces are generally unsupportive of mothers' need. She finds cause for optimism in potential societal changes that "have to be multipronged--a combination of political shifts, workplace shifts, and interpersonal shifts." She calls for paid family leave for all workers, affordable childcare, and taking action in one's own community by, for example, donating to a local diaper bank. Grose is candid about her own experience as a mother, and moving stories from other women who have felt the weight of "unrealistic, elitist, and bigoted expectations" add heft to her survey. Mothers struggling to keep their heads above water will find camaraderie in this empathetic outing. (Dec.)

Novelist and New York Times parenting writer Grose (Soulmates, 2016) offers a very contemporary snapshot of the situation for U.S. mothers, looking to the past and relying on current statistics in equal measure. Ranging from heavily researched, reported, and footnoted passages to memoiristic episodes from her own experiences carrying and mothering two young daughters, Grose's book underscores one of the few parenting imperatives she dispenses outright: "Refuse to feel the guilt and failure that plague so many of us when we are just trying to raise our families under this broken system." Including perspectives from the hundred mothers she interviewed for this book, a group diverse in age, ethnicity, relationship status, and socioeconomic class, Grose covers topics like the idealization of motherhood, how to look at Instagram without feeling terrible, and what happened when the catastrophe of a still-unfolding pandemic met our already catastrophic lack of national support for caretakers of all types. It's hard to imagine a mother (or other) who won't feel seen somewhere in Grose's accessible, empathetic, data-driven report.

New York Times opinion writer Grose, one of the estimated 7--20% of women who have experienced perinatal anxiety and depression, reached a point of desperation during week 10 of her pregnancy. In this book, she reflects on that experience and busts parenting myths like the notion that good mothers should be self-sacrificing, or that mothers must do everything. The author examines the emotional tumult felt by struggling parents and explores online culture, an atmosphere where Black voices are often ignored; the blogosphere has a limited view on parenting; and platforms, such as Instagram, have increased perfectionist expectations. The pandemic created new struggles as layoffs disproportionately affected women, especially single BIPOC mothers. Many people entered crisis mode, and hardship chain reactions occurred due to financial difficulties and the increase in second-shift work. VERDICT Though the info might not be surprising, this is a validating look at contemporary parenting.

How historical constructions of American motherhood have rendered modern motherhood an almost impossible task. Grose, a journalist who writes a parenting column for the New York Times, opens with a brief historical section on parenting in early America. "Unlike today," she writes, "where most guidance is directed toward mothers, in colonial times written guidance for parents was addressed to both mothers and fathers." As the author shows, eventually, the racist drive to increase the White population and to separate upper-class White women from their working-class and Black peers led to the reification of gender roles and, more specifically, the concept of the model mother who was dedicated to her children above all else while being confined in her home. In modern times, the expectation that women are primarily responsible for childhood has continued, with devastating and, at times, deeply contradictory effects. For example, Grose illustrates how social media accounts run by mostly White influencer mothers both reinforce harmful ideals of perfectionism while also providing mothers in conservative families one of their only sources of income and connection to the outside world. The author ends the book on a note of hope, profiling mothers whose passion for parenting their children has led them to begin activist movements designed to reform the overlapping systems that keep American parents and children from getting the physical and emotional support they need to thrive. Grose's fiery compassion is matched by her profoundly complex understanding of the material and her trenchant, witty prose. Although she consciously includes the voices of diverse, modern mothers, her analysis is sometimes more relevant to White, heterosexual, cisgendered mothers, particularly in the historical sections. Still, the author is clear in her intent to be inclusive, and her topic is relevant and worthy of discussion. A deeply researched and highly relatable analysis of American motherhood, past and present. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.